Today I was thinking about death...

As many of you know this past year has been a trying one for me especially physically.

Today however, I was thinking back and wanted to share a post that I wrote during the midst of that very uncertain time. It is dated March 23, 2009. Why do I want to re-visit that time? Only to bring honor and praise to my God for all that He did in and through that period in my life. Please do not think that this is to make people pity me or think whatever about me. THIS IS ONLY TO BRING HONOR TO MY GOD!

"So yesterday was definitely a one-of-a-kind day.

All four of us kids led worship for the Sunday School opening. Abby sang/spoke, Danny (yes my brother) played the guitar/sang, Jen played the guitar/sang and I played the piano/sang. It was SO AWESOME to do something like that with my siblings! God has really been doing a work in all of us!!! HE is so GOOD!

So everything was going pretty good until about 10 minutes before Dad finished the sermon. My right arm went completely numb and I lost all the strength in it. I sat there shaking it, trying to get some feeling back into it because I had to play the last hymn on the piano. Well. The numbness did not go away. In fact, I got up to the piano and not only was it numb but I could not even press down the piano keys because I had no strength in my fingers. That kind of freaked me out. I mean, I have had numbness for 4 months but NOTHING like that.

So I went home and tried to sleep. I felt very lethargic and just...exhausted...the problem was that the numbness/weakness spread from my right arm to my left. By the time I woke up my arms and legs were completely numb and I had no strength in them. They felt like dead weights on my body.

I tried not to be worried about it and just went on with my day. I watched a movie and then went downstairs, sat on the couch and had a wonderful in depth talk with Danny (which was SUCH a blessing in itself). Everyone else had gone to a birthday party so when they got home it was almost time for our evening service. Danny, Jen, and I wanted to lead the worship so we headed over to the office to get some songs together.

The whole time I was feeling stranger and stranger until finally (when I could barely get up from dad's chair) Dad sent me home.

I came in. Sat down on the couch. Started talking to mom. Then all the sudden I was having a very hard time breathing. It kept getting worse and worse until I was dragging air in and when I did it made this horrible rasping noise. I wasn't too worried about it at first (I figured it would just wear 0ff) and so I told Mom I would just rest, stay home from church and then I would be fine. All this started happening at about 5:20.

So, Mom left for church and I went upstairs and started to watch a movie but then went into Danny's room to keep him company. I was trying to instill words of sisterly wisdom but I was finding it harder and harder to get the words out plus the rasping was getting worse and worse.

We have an RN that attends our church but she normally doesn't come on Sunday nights. I remember wishing that she could come though just because it had been about an hour and I was starting to really not feel so good.

Well what would you know? As I was talking (well attempting to) to Danny Mom brought her up! She had come to church that night! Which was really a good thing because she took one look at me and after listening to me breath said that I needed to go right away to the city hospital (which is about and hour away from us).

Dad was still at church however, so they got me downstairs and on the couch where she monitered my breathing for the next hour. By this time I was so out of it and just unable to talk or really move. All I could do was focus on my breathing.

The awesome part was that I was so calm. God gave me that peace that passes understanding and I could just sense Him right there besides me. I just cannot explain what a comfort that was.

So finally the church service ended and Dad came over. A ton of people where there but I was kind of in this fog...I remember but I just could not...hard to explain. Anywho, so they got me in the van along with Mom, Dad, and Danny and we set off on our way with Grandpa Kelley following in his car.

As we pulled out of the driveway I saw all these people standing there watching us go and Mom was telling me: "The whole church is praying." It was such a comfort to know that...then I found out that the church where we go to youth group was praying as well, as well as tons of people on facebook. Let me tell you. Knowing that they were praying was something I clung to that ride to the hospital!

So, we finally got to the hospital. I was admitted into the Pediatrics ER.
After going through Triage (I think that is how you spell it...) They put me right into a room (I was surprised how fast I got in but not really because of all the prayers people where praying) and started hooking me up to all sorts of machines and monitors. Then they started me on a nebulizor (spelling again?) treatment which right away helped my throat not constrict so much. Slowly, my breathing started to get more regular and I was able to talk well for the 1st time in about 3 1/2 hours! Grandpa Kelley got me laughing by telling me that the reflections on the mask made me look like I had Bugs Bunny teeth! I was so happy He was there! I love my Grandpa...

So after the nebulizar (spelling again?) treatment was over they put me back on the oxygen. After the doctor examined me they sent me up to x-ray. When that was done it was back to the room once more to wait and see what was going on. The doctor came back and said that theyhad not been able to find anything wrong on the x-rays. Once again they were stumped and while they knew something was definately wrong-they had no idea what is was. The best thing they said to do was to get things figured out with my neurologist as soon as possible. That was definately a little bit disheartening. I was feeling a lot better then when I had come in but knowing that there is probably something serious wrong but no one knows what...that can get a little bit tough. The things is though that I knew (and know) that I had a choice to make. I could be bitter, worry, and second guess God OR I could continue to trust that HE knows what is best when it comes to me. After all He now only knows my life story-HE WROTE IT! Well suffice to say, I chose the latter: to trust my God and to completely rely on HIM for the outcome. On the way to the hospital I remember Danny reading me these verses:
"Truly my soul silently waits for God;
From Him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be greatly moved." (Psalm 62:1-2) As I was lying there waiting for the treatment I had gotten to wear off so I could go home the Lord brought back to my mind something that had happened in the car on my way to the hospital. I was looking out the window and it was as though the Lord just put this thought into my head as I was struggling to breath: "Jesus couldn't breath on the cross either." WHOA! Talk about putting things into perspective. As I sat there struggling to breath I was just overwhelmed with gratitude and appreciation for the fact the my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ had CHOSEN to not be able to breath FOR ME. He chose to die a cruel and excruciatingly painful death FOR ME. Why? Because He loved me...It was such an eye opener to me personally. It was as though the Lord showed me something so precious through not being able to breath! Who would have thought that possible!?!?"

Today
I was
thinking
about death.
Christ's death...
He DIED for me...why
oh why do I find it so
hard to live for Him? I
am going to be right up front
with you my dear readers-these past
few days have been a real struggle for
me to NOT compromise, to NOT waste my time,
to NOT allow the devil to discourage me, to NOT
overreact. Tonight all I could think about was the
fact that Christ paid the ULTIMATE price on that cross
for me! And I am just...living a mediocre life for Him...NO
MORE! I WANT TO LIVE FOR MY LORD NOT JUST 100 PECENT BUT 110
PERCENT! I want every single word, thought, action, EVERYTHING that
proceeds out of me to be FOR HIM, BECAUSE OF HIM, TO HONOR AND GLORIFY
HIM, TO POINT PEOPLE TO HIM! I want to share a quote with you from an amazing
book called "I would die for you" which tells the amazing story of BJ Higgins a boy that knew what it meant to live his life for Jesus Christ alone.

"What is of great concern to me: the inauthenticity of people in general...God is not religion, He is reality. God did not intend for us to be religious; He intended for us to follow Him...we should just try to get to know God, not just follow meaningless rules. We should also try to show others that God is far beyond these religious traditions and droning sermons. We should show them and b an example to them about how truly fulfilling, satisfying, amazing, and real God is when He is known and worshiped in true authenticity."

~BJ Higgins
~"What is of great concern to me"~School assignment~2005

As I read that quote it makes me start pondering what it meant to truly be an example to others around us. About what a true relationship with Jesus Christ should looks like. Then I start thinking about whether or not people would see an example of what a true relationship with Jesus Christ looks like if they looked at my own personal life. Then I start thinking about what my life should look like. That is when the conviction starts.

I desire more than anything else that when people would look at me ,whether they have known me 12 years or 12 minutes, and would see Jesus Christ shining out of me. I desire my life to be a living sacrifice for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service (He died for me the LEAST I can do is live for Him). And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." (Romans 12:1-2)

So often we can grumble and complain about serving the Lord. So often we can have excuse after excuse about why we "can't" give our all to Him and yet-HE GAVE HIS ALL FOR US!

Here are some quotes I wanted to share with ya'll:

"Decide (choose) not to ride the fence,
dividing your intersts
between God and the things
of the world.
Decide (choose) that God will
OWN your heart.
Trust Him and be willing to admit
when you are
wrong."
(Unknown)

It all boils down to a choice! Daily choosing WHO WE ARE GOING TO LIVE FOR. Ourselves? Or Christ?

"The reason some of us
are such poor
specimens of Christianity
is because we have
no Almighty Christ.
We have Christian
attributes and experiences,
but there is no
ABANDONMENT
to Jesus Christ."
(Oswald Chambers)

Have you ever stopped to consider what a difference it would make if each and every child of God started living their lives in TOTAL ABANDONMENT to Jesus Christ? If instead of living our lives looking no different then the world around us we CHOSE to be different and to be LIVING SACRIFICES for our God? Have you ever thought about what would happen if the young generation (OUR generation) stood up for Christ and were not ashamed to live for Him alone?
I have been thinking about it a lot...I know that I want to be 110% surrendered to Christ but not only when I am with others, oh no, when I am at home with my family and when I am all by myself. Every single second of my day needs to be lived for Jesus Christ...to honor and glorify and lift up HIS precious name...

"As a Christian:
'Your life is hid
with Christ.
You are not your own.
You have no time of your own,
no money of your own.
CHRIST
MUST
BECOME
YOUR
COMPLETE
MASTER.'"
(Leonard Ravenhill)

So yeah. I would have to say that this afternoon was yet another turning point in my life. My deepest desire is to live and breathe my precious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ...to live 110% for Him...to be a living sacrifice for Him...to honor and glorify HIM every single second of the day whether I am in a crowd of 100 people or whether I am alone in my room...He is so precious to me it is time I start living like He is.

Sorry this is so long...but I really felt that the Lord wanted me to share this with you all. What are your thoughts on living a 110% Surrendered life for your God?

Do you have empty hands?

So, these past few weeks trying to transition to being back at home have been hard. I have been dealing with some things that are very dear to my heart that ,while I know they are good, I also know that now is not the Lord's timing. I ended up just dropping to my knees tonight and pouring out my heart to my God. Amidst the tears I realized that once again I had a choice to my SO I CHOSE to keep trusting that HIS WAYS AND HIS TIMING ARE PERFECT and almost immediately after I once again surrendered my wants and my desires to my Lord I was going through my blogs that I read and found this quote on Ruby Jeweled Maidens. I was so blessed by it that I thought I would share it with you all:

"One by one God took them from me,
All the things I valued most,
Till I was empty-handed,
Every glittering toy was lost.
And I walked earth's highways grieving
In my rags and poverty,
Till I heard His voice inviting:
"Lift those empty hands to Me".
So I turned my hands toward heaven,
And He filled them with a store
Of His own transcendent riches
Till they could contain no more.
And at last I comprehended,
With my stupid mind and dull
That God could not pour His riches
Into hands already full."
~Anonymous Poet

Is God asking you to surrender anything to Him today? It may seem so hard to let go of things at the time BUT we serve a God who, while He did not promise that our Christian walk would be easy, DID promise that He would be with us every single step (no matter how painful) of the way. HE DOES GIVE US GRACE! I love this verse:

"And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work." (2 javascript:void(0)Corinthians 9:8)

I love the imagery of empty hands...I know that I have been clinging to some things but now...they are empty and raised to praise and honor and glorify my precious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Is this type of surrender a one time thing? HAH! I wish it were! Sometimes this type of surrender is not only daily but by the hour, minute and second.

Are your hands empty today waiting to be filled by your God?

A dig through the archives: 9-24-08

I have been blogging for almost three years now but have only just recently began to have a greater number of followers. Because some of you my dear readers are "new" to my blog I thought it would be neat if every once in awhile I went back through the archives to share things with you that you might otherwise may not ever get to read. Most of my archival (is that even a word?) treasures come from my blog that I had previous to 110% Surrendered: F.R.O.G.'s Blog.



So I learned a very important lesson about God's love in trying to teach Levi a lesson about love...
1st of all-I have been babysitting these boys for about a year and Levi is really my little buddy :) It is neat-this family has really enfolded me and made me a true part of the family and I really feel like Levi is kinda (in a way) mine. Just because I have taken so much care of him...anyway.
Levi started pre-school this year (he is 4) so now 2 days a week I am at their house at 7:30 and then take him to preschool by 8:30. As many of you know, I was studying to be a sign language interpreter for the deaf and one thing I taught Levi right before school started was "I love you" in sign language. It is so cute, ever since then when they are lining up at school to go to class, as I am walking out, me and Levi sign "I love you" to each other.
ANYWAY, I do have a point here people :)
This morning, we were running late. I was in the kitchen writing a note to his mom and he was getting his shoes on (he got them on by himself, on the right feet, I was so proud of him!). On the counter next to me were some pieces of gum and just as I was finishing up the note, he came up behind me and grabbed a piece of gum. I promptly told him no. He (with all the innocence of a 4 year old) said: "Mom always lets me" and I said "No Lee" while taking the gum from his hand. This resulted in him commencing to sob his eyes out. So, there I am with a sobbing boy on my hip and a pen in my other hand trying to finish the note and console him at the same time.

It would have been SO EASY to just say "Ok Lee, have your piece of gum". I knew that if I gave it to him he would stop crying and when we got to school he wouldn't be clingy/not want to go. BUT, I didn't. See I knew that they do not allow gum at school and I also knew that his Mom would allow him to have gum when he got home from school. I proceeded to tell him this as I was getting my shoes on, getting his backpack, and trying to get out the door (keep in mind we were running late).
Then I said something that the Lord turned around and directed to me as soon as it came out of my mouth.
This whole summer I had been trying to instill in Levi and his brothers that when I said no or told them to stop doing something it was not because I did not love them or want them to have fun. Instead, it was because I knew that there was something better that they could be doing or I just plain didn't want them to get hurt. Some of the time (like with Lee this morning) I knew that there would have been consequences (he probably would have had it taken away) and I wanted to save him from that altogether. He would just need to wait a little bit longer...
Anyway, I was carrying him to the car and I was telling him as we went (he was still crying): "Levi, remember how I told you that sometimes I tell you no not because I don't love you but because I do love you. Just because I said no to gum RIGHT NOW doesn't mean that you can't have it later. You just have to WAIT and when you get home, mom will give you some." He calmed down after he remembered that and as I was putting him in his carseat he said "I don't want to go to preschool". I sighed and said "But Lee then we can't sign 'I love you' to eachother". So he was like "oh ok" or something like that and we went to preschool and just as he was going to the line he turned his little face up to me and looked me in the eye and then signed "I love you" 1ST without me signing it to him! I smiled at him and signed it back and his teacher thought it was the cutest thing ever. She was like "Awww, what does that mean Levi?" And he looked up and said "I love you". It was so precious!

I was thinking about how often we say "God, I want this or this or this now!" And He looks at us and says "No or just tells us to simply wait. It is not because He doesn't love us or wants to "spoil our fun". It is BECAUSE He loves us and He knows what good things are in store for us if only we would allow Him to take the "gum" from us and just surrender to Him and trust in the fact the He knows better then us when it comes to our lives. Remember giving Him the whole pen for our life story thing? Well today I was challenged to give Him my gum :) What can I say? When you babysit a 4 year old sometimes those analogies just come up :)

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

So anyway :) I hope that made some sort of sense :) Blessings to you all!

Currently pondering...

"What does it mean?
To really live for Jesus
What does it mean?
To abandon all else in pursuit of Him
What does it mean?
When I say 'I am surrendered'
What does it mean?
To cry out in Jesus name

What is the difference
Between normal and set apart?
What is the difference
Between staying or going?
What is the difference
Between living for or dying to self?

When we say
'I am a Christian'
Do we really mean it?
When we say 'I follow Jesus'
Is it just sometimes or every step of the way?When we say 'I gave it to Him'
Was it all or just a part?
When we say 'I will die for Him'
Do we mean just literally or can we die to self each day?When we say 'I serve the Living Savior'Is is just words or do we live it out each day?”

Something to think about...

“Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word , in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”

1 Timothy 4:12

A precious Daddy-Daughter Moment

This past week we went to the cabin as a family.
We hadn't really had a chance to be together under one roof
in almost two months.
To say we needed the break...well...is and understatement!
So what did we do at this cabin you may ask?
Well...we read.
Swam.
Took walks.
Read.
Ate LOTS of yummy food :)
And then did it all over again!
It may seem boring to some...
But honestly...
It was just what we needed.
So what was the precious Daddy-Daughter Moment you ask?
When we used to go swimming when I was little
Dad would let us kids hold onto
his legs and he would tow us around the
pool until we dragged him under :)
We were swimming in the pond and Dad
brought that memory up and we
decided to try it again.
Unfortunately I am much bigger that I used to be
say 10 years ago so we just improvised :)
We linked our feet together and just went floating around the
pond together kind of like when I was just a little girl.

I don't know what it was but...I felt so safe and
secure just floating around with my Dad...

It probably seems like something that really isn't that much of a deal.
But to me...it was a big deal. The fact that my Dad would take
the time to float around a pond with me...It just made my day :)

I don't know if you have any precious memories with your Dad but that
was my latest precious memory and because I think the world (ok so maybe not that
many people read my blog but hey I can dream right? lol) deserves
to know about the wonderful Father God saw fit to bless me with...I just
shared it with you :)

Thank you Dad for
loving me.
Thank you Dad for
taking time to build precious memories.
Thank you Dad for
always being there to listen and give Godly wisdom.
Thank you Dad for
not being afraid to ask forgiveness.
Thank you Dad for showing me what it is
to have a vibrant and real relationship with Jesus.
I pray that I will marry a man just like you!
I love you Dad :)

Any of you have any precious memories of your Dad? I would love to hear them!

A Letter...

Dear Fellow Bloggers and readers and anyone
else who might have stumbled across my blog :),
I am leaving in less than an hour
to go to our friends house to leave
for a trip with their family to Long Island.
This whole week since getting home
from camp has been a whirlwind.
How do you take lessons learned in six
weeks and condense it all into one
post? How do you convey
the amazing things that the Lord
taught you in mere words on a
screen? That is what I have been
pondering this past week. That is why
I have not been writing more frequently.
I am home in body yes but just starting
to get my thoughts organized! Plus, since
getting home things have been
ABSOLUTELY CRAZY and I honestly really
have not had a chance to sit
down. OK, so there was my long
thought out explanation my dear
blog readers :)
Now onto news:
I am heading off to Long Island until
Tuesday. Wednesday our family is going
to a cabin in the middle of nowhere
for some much needed family time and rest.
EXCITING NEWS!!! Next Monday and Wednesday I
will be doing my 20 hour internship ,that
is required to get into the Physical Therapist
Assistant program, at the place were I spent two
months, two times a week for my foot. I am
actually shadowing my therapist!
Just to end this with one lesson
I learned this summer:
God is so good. If there is one thing
that I would love to leave you with it would
be a reminder to remember that if indeed you are
a child of God you serve the God of the impossible!
Never think that anything is too big or too
small for Him to handle. He will always give grace
right when we need it!
"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,
for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in
my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest
upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities,
in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses,
for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (New King James Version)
Remember that when we are weak GOD IS STRONG!
Sometimes He has to bring us to the end of
ourselves just so that He can show us the
beginning of His power.
He is so good! Have you thanked Him lately
for His goodness to you?
Just something to think about...
Love,
Katy

Young Maidens Day Book-Entry Four

Today…Monday, August 10, 2009.

Outside my window…is a beautiful, sunshiny day.

I am thinking...about the wonderful mercies of God.

I am thankful for…my family being all together once again :)

I am wearing…my pink skirt with flowers all over it, a polo to go with it and a necklace Abby brought for me from PNG.

I am reading…an Eric and Leslie Ludy book on prayer.

I am creating...my 1st Young Maidens Day Book in five weeks!

One of my favorite things…spending time with my family!

For education this week…getting things together to start my college courses this fall.

A keeper at home skill I am using/learning …to clean and organize. What am I practicing on? Uhh...my room :)

A spiritual lesson I’m learning…that it is ok to be weak...because in my weakness HE IS STRONG!

A godly character trait I plan to work on…pride...

Scripture I am memorizing…need to start that as well...

I am praying for…so many people at camp...

For the rest of the week…spending time with family, going to girls club party...don't know what else!

A picture I’d like to share…



Olivia and I standing by a red car and OH and we had to get our picture by the RED car just because we are the kind of people that like to run around parking garages in the city's airport and stand by expensive cars and pretend we are rich enough to have them! lol :-p

TOGETHER AGAIN!!!

Hey all you fellow bloggers out there!!!

IT IS OFFICIAL! For the 1st time in FIVE WEEKS our family is finally together again! Abby arrived home safe and sound from PNG today and as I am sure you all can imagine we are as happy as can be!

God is so gracious! This whole summer has been somewhat of a whirlwind for our family with Mom and Dad's trip to CO, Danny going to SC for a week and a half, I was at camp, Jen was at home and Abby was in PNG.

I have so many things to share with you all! I am sorry that I haven't been able to update very much these past few weeks. I just got home for good from camp this past Saturday and instead of getting on the computer to catch up with you all I went to bed at 6:30pm and slept straight through the night until a little after 7am! I was wiped out! Today I am just starting to get my feet under me and ,though I still have to unpack six weeks worth of stuff and get my room cleaned, I am already starting to brainstorm for some upcoming posts to share with you all.

SO UNTIL THEN! I will leave you with a picture of my family...as we looked today...all excited to be together once again :)


 

Junior Week One

Hey All!
So I finally have the time to actually write a decent sized post :) So here we go:
This week was a Junior Week and I had 9-11 year olds in my cabin. It was a very busy week! Honestly it was the most exhausting week so far BUT a good one for the most part :)

One of the highlights was Wednesday night. They had a contest for the best dressed cabin to come to chapel SO we had a regular make over session for almost an hour before chapel. We all got dressed up and I spent a long time doing all their hair in princess styles :) We then decided that when we went before the judges we would all curtsy. So we got to chapel AND WE WON! I think it was the curtsying :) It was such a blessing and a wonderful memory! So we got back to the cabin and I got pictures with all of them in their finery :)

Another one of the highlights of the week was Operation Special Eagle (I think that was the name) and it ended up that the director of the camp got a helicopter to fly in for the kids! It landed and they got to sit in it and ask questions and then they took off and flew over us a few times and then just hovered over us for like a minute (successfully missing up our hair lol) and then took off. It was so awesome! Definitely an experience :)

Spiritually...this summer has been such a growing experience. I think the #1 lesson has been that I need to not be so self-sufficient but instead need to realize that when I am weak HE IS STRONG!

I have one more Junior week this upcoming week. Please pray:

THAT GOD WILL GIVE ME AND THE OTHER STAFF STRENGTH PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, SPIRITUALLY, AND EMOTIONALLY TO GET THROUGH THIS WEEK. We are all so tired and just...it is getting hard! THE AWESOME THING IS THOUGH THAT IN OUR WEAKNESS HE IS STRONG! And wow have we seen some awesome things happen IN SPITE OF US! God is working!

Alright my dear fellow bloggers! I am off to bed!! YAYAYAYAYA! Kinda sad that I am so excited about sleep! :)

God is good! Blessings to you all!






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