My Salvation Story

My amazing friend Callie over at Through Clouded Glass is hosting a Salvation story link up today!

When she mentioned the idea I was actually surprised when I realize that I had never actually written my testimony and how that Lord came into my life. Until now.

I was raised in a Christian home. My Dad was a committed christian and my parents strove to raise us in the fear and admonition of the Lord. I was in church from the time I was out of the hospital (almost). That was my life.

When I was six years old however, I realized that something was missing in my life. That even though I had a wonderful christian family I was personally not like them.

So, one day I was sitting on my bed in my room just thinking and all the sudden I realized that Jesus was missing. That I was not good enough to make it to heaven on my own. So I asked my Dad to come upstairs and told him I wanted Jesus in my life. He prayed with me and at that moment I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. Even at that young age I knew that something was different in my life and that difference was Jesus.

It wasn't until I was about 10 years old that that decision I had made became truly real to me. I went through some hardships that year and started turning to Jesus for comfort. I realized that people would fail me but Jesus was always there.

In the years that followed Jesus became more and more real to me. Instead of being merely a religion my relationship with Jesus became just that-a relationship.

When I was 15 years old I went through a time where I said all the right words and did all the right things but on the inside I was dying. I knew that my relationship with Jesus was faltering and it scared me to death. Thank the Lord for being faithful and at the end of that year I chose HIM. I was sick of riding on the fence trying to be in the world but also be a Christian. It just did not work.

When I was just 17 I went to a small community college and found my walk with the Lord truly being challenged once again. As the year progressed I was working constantly, going to school and honestly-the Lord went on the back burner. I felt the Lord really impressing on me to prioritize and make Him first once again and stop using my busyness as an excuse. I refused. Telling myself and Jesus that I would at some point just not right now.

Until one day the Lord kind of took my feet out from under me (literally). I was riding our horse and fell-landing on my foot and hearing a distinct crack then feeling absolutely nothing. That started a year of illness that included my foot being broken at least twice. Being in a walking cast for two months. Numbness and blurriness of vision that made them think for about a month while I was getting the tests done) that I might have multiple sclerosis. Multiple ER visits. And always the unknown. Going from specialist to specialist. Being told something is definitely wrong with you but we don't know what it is. Then being sent to another specialist. Praise God that after a year we found out that all my problems had stemmed from a very bad diet (hence why I am becoming more passionate about natural foods etc). However, that year God truly became my sustainer. He was my Daddy God. And I began in that year to go to Him in surrender about everything and anything. I had to rely totally on Him. And that became SUCH a huge blessing!

I could go on with all the places my life has gone since then but a lot of you already know it. I was in a relationship that we called a "courtship" and praise God He brought me out of that using my parents. They were not controlling. They were not domineering. They knew things about that person that I did not know the extent of at the time. Because of that they had the COURAGE to step in and tell me the truth and I broke off the relationship which I praise God for!

The reason I praise God for it is because two weeks to the day that I surrendered to what I knew the Lord was telling me I went to a Bible study and met...Jason. A year and two months later to the day we met we got married. We then moved to Florida and here we are today.

One thing I am learning now is that the enemy will use distractions to get my eyes off my Jesus. I am going through a period in my spiritual walk where I have allowed my eyes to get off Jesus using busyness as an excuse. Always though, I am amazed at how gracious and forgiving He is. To think that He loves me in spite of me! With all my faults, sin, attitudes, etc. Jesus Christ still loves me. And I am still God's child.

My life is full. Why? Because God has never once forsaken me along the way. He didn't promise it would be easy. But-He did promise He would be with us every step of the way!

I am in love. With my Savior. My relationship with Him is just that- a relationship that has different phases and chapters. Different lessons to learn. One thing that will never change though is His love for me and oh how comforting that is to know!

Do you know Jesus today? Do you have a relationship with Him? What are you so thankful for that He has done in your life? What can you praise Him for today?

Am I fulfilling the purpose God has for me?

(Source)



You know those times in your life when God just really convicts you and shows you some things that He wants you to change?

"Then they can urge the younger women to

 love their husbands and children,

 to be self-controlled

 and pure,

 to be busy at home,

to be kind,

 and to be subject to their husbands,

 so that no one will malign the word of God."

Titus 2:4-5

The Lord just really amazed me with this verse within the last few weeks. Yes, I had read it before but you know that 21st time time you read something and it just seems as though the Lord put it there just for you?

Well, I really starting thinking about being busy at home. And the Lord began to convict me about some things. Things like how I manage my time, moving to a more natural way of living, making my home a haven etc.

Because of these things I have been stepping out and trying new things. Is it because I am radical that I am moving towards a more natural life style? No. Is it because I think I am better then others. Absolutely not!

My desire from that comes from previous experiance. I lived an unhealthy life style and as a result was extremely sick for a year. I wrecked my body from poor nutrition etc. So now I KNOW what certain foods do to me and the effect they can have on the body and yet-I had started eating them again. WHAT? It didn't make sense!

Then the Lord showed me that not only am I responsible before Him for myself but now for my child as well! Whew. That was a revelation! Not really but in a sense it was!

So, I have been making that transition (once again) to more of a natural way of living. I already have stories and will be sharing more with all of you here.

Something was still missing though.

Then, once again I realized something. I have been trying to live for the Lord but without HIM in the picture. What? Honestly, I have really been struggling with making time to actually spend time with my Savior. To go before HIM and seek HIS face. To spend time in prayer and meditation on His Word. The excuse? Well, I am busy. The problem is-when this baby comes I will be even busier! And I do not want to sacrifice my relationship with Jesus! He needs to be FIRST! Priority. Over all things. Even...ministry. Facebook and blogging (huge distractions for me sigh).

In the Word we are called to do all things to the glory and honor of God. Well, I am realizing all things entails-laundry, house cleaning, cooking, etc. The little things that may seem so mundane and yet God wants us to do them for HIM!

I am a paper keeper. Especially in my Bible (much to my husband's chagrin!) and a few days ago I found a paper I had saved that had a bunch of notes from a sermon.

It is dated August 16, 2009:

Am I fulfilling my duty? Am I an unworthy servant who is just doing what I am told to do? Has God told me what to do with my life (yes I am to be a wife and Mama right now serving God and ministering alongside my husband)? If He hasn't-why?

We are servants of Christ...we need to do what He tells us to do. If we can not hear Him...if we do not know what His will is...we need to spend more time with Him. Am I investing the talents God has given to me? I need to be using my gifts for God's honor and glory alone.

Am I walking with the Master? Am I spending time with my Master so that I know His will for me and also His love for me. Am I allowing my hands to get weak instead  of asking God to strengthen me and stopping and putting my hands together and asking God to help me.

Funny how just random thoughts from years ago God can use to convict once again. I want to live my life for Christ. But I have just been trying to fit Him in it when it is convenient for me. It seems as though this is a continual battle for me to center my life around HIM. But I believe that is part of the journey.

Oh how thankful I am that my Heavenly Father is so patient and forgiving. How thankful I am that He receives me with open arms.

I want to be all I can be for my Master-Jesus Christ. Right now that involves being a keeper at home and soon being a Mama to my child. Trying to do all that though without Jesus-does not work.

Give me Jesus...truly I just want Him once again.

I feel as though I am at the beginning of yet another journey! I am thinking about possibly starting a new blog as I feel I am moving into a new chapter of my life. What are your thoughts?

Also, if you have any fun tips, advice, favorite blogs about healthy, more natural living I would LOVE to hear them! :)

May the Lord richly bless you!



Does abortion really have to be the only option?

I received a comment on my previous post "Would You Help Fight Against Abortion" this morning and thought I would share both the comment and my response with all of you:

"Anonymous said...

I assume the Pregnancy Center also provides free prenatal vitamins? Free labor and delivery hospitalization? Emotional and financial support to those who are kicked out of their homes? Counseling for rape and incest victims who are pregnant with their attackers child? Food, clothing and shelter for the baby and mom? Early childhood intervention where necessary?

Thanks. You reminded me that my yearly contribution to Planned Parenthood is overdue."

My response is this:

Anonymous-

Yes they do actually provide free prenatal vitamins. I have been given them personally.

 As for the free labor and delivery hospitalization they give the resources to people who have no money or good enough insurance for labor and delivery as well as prenatal care. You can then go through these FREE resources (as my husband and I did) and choose the ones that are best for you. God has so provided for us in this way through them helping us even know where to go.

One of the biggest things the center offers is emotional support through counseling and then also they do what ever they can to help those who do not have a good living situation. I know a lady personally that they helped get into some apartments at a church when she was 6 months pregnant and had no place to go. The director herself came to help her get settled and make sure everything was taken care of financially.

 Not only is there also counseling for rape and incest victims but they also offer amazing adoption support groups and resources so that if the mother chooses to she can give her baby to a couple/family who desperately wants a child. I also know a mother who used that service and is very at peace with her situation and her child is in a wonderful home.

Food, shelter and clothing for the baby and mom-they have so many resources and will work tirelessly to make sure that you and your child are ok. I already mentioned the shelter. As for food and clothing they again help you get plugged in to amazing resources as well as have a 12 week parenting class where you earn baby bucks and use those for diapers, clothes, baby necessities, and at the end receive a FREE brand new pack and play.

As for early childhood interventions there are many resources available for that as well. I am involved in a program where I can earn points and can redeem them for things like clothes and diapers and wipes and any baby need you would have until my child is over two years old!

Many girls are told that abortion is their "only" option. That they could never handle a baby. That it would wreck their lives etc...the pregnancy center also offers post abortion counseling for girls that felt they had no other choice, did not know about these amazing resources, had the abortion and are now dealing with horrible regret and guilt that plagues them for YEARS. They help them see that there is healing and redemption in Jesus Christ! That their sins can be washed away. That He will forgive them and take their guilt.

If anything adoption is always an option. And there are so many FREE resources for girls if they choose life and choose to keep their babies.

Yes, I say babies. Because that is what they are. I saw my son at 9 weeks. He was wiggling all over and his heart was beating. At five weeks his heart STARTED to beat. At six weeks blood began to course through his body. At 7 weeks hands and feet had emerged and his liver was churning out red blood cells (until the marrow formed and could take over). I could go week by week until right now and it would show from the beginning what an amazing miracle is taking place in a BABY. (Source: babycenter.com)

I do not judge these girls at all that have abortions. I pity them because most of them are given no other option. One nurse I know of (from a friend who was there) TURNED THE ULTRASOUND SCREEN AWAY so an 18 year old girl could not see her 11 week old twins MOVING and see their hearts beating. Why? Because they were giving her abortion as her ONLY option.

Another AMAZING resource the pregnancy center gives one FREE is an ultrasound. Last year 64 women came in sure that abortion was their only hope. The ladies at the center listened to them, counciled them, and then said , "Why don't we put you on the ultrasound machine just to make sure that you are indeed pregnant." When they did and these women saw their baby THEIR child moving and their heart beating and SAW that they are in fact a beautiful little person ALL 64 of them CHOSE LIFE and kept their little ones.

Am I saying that it will be easy? No it is not always easy BUT I do know that there are so many people out there who love God and love unborn babies and will do WHATEVER they can to help and support and encourage.

My husband and I have been amazed at how the Lord has provided for us! He is faithful!
There are other choices out there.

Abortion never has to be the only option.

That is my response.

Many of you have seen  my recent posts about the Walk for Life. This is the reason I do it. Jason and I have personally been so blessed with help of even knowing where to go and what to do next. When I first walked into those doors I had no idea where to really start. We were so overwhelmed by love and people that cared so much for us and our baby it just instantly put me to ease.

Here is another challenge though for all of us that my amazing friend Missie from over at Hidden Valley Simplicity commented on that same post:

"Last year I pleaded with a young woman to not abort her baby. She ended up NOT doing so and fell in love at her first ultrasound. Now, her and the baby are like family to us. One of my big things is, if we are going to cry out against abortion, we must---MUST---then help the women raise their babies after they are born!!! It's one thing to save a life. It's another to get involved in that life. It takes time and sacrifice but it's not enough to just prevent abortion. . . we have to do all we can to help that Mama give her child the best life possible, esp when circumstances are not giving Mama any support (financially, emotionally, etc). Are we willing to be there when the baby won't stop screaming at 2:00 a.m.??? Will we let the Mama and her baby be in our home frequently, just hanging out when we love our solitude and privacy, because she needs someone to be there for her? Will we buy things for them when the job the Mama has isn't quite enough for rent, clothes, formula, and diapers?"

What an amazing story but also what weighty questions that I had to ask myself! Are we willing to not just sit in church shouting out amens and hallelujahs when someone stands up and speaks out against abortion. Are we willing to actually walk the walk and do the hard things? To get out of our comfort zones. To serve and to love and to give as Jesus did?

(Source)



According to the website this picture is found on-this is a 12 week old baby.

"The baby has all of the parts necessary to experience pain, including nerves, spinal cord, and thalamus. Vocal cords are complete. The baby can suck its thumb. "

Is this little ones life worth it to us? Not only in the womb but like Missie, challenged us, outside the womb as well?

What can we do as women of God? How can we make a difference? For each of us it will be different but one thing we can all do is pray. Pray for these little lives. Pray for their Mama's. Pray to be the hands and feet to make a difference, even if it isn't in a glamorous way. Look around and see who are around us. Do you know a young single Mom? What are ways that you can help her and encourage her? Do you know a young pregnant girl? How can you encourage her and support her? Sometimes we all just need a true friend.

These involve doing.

Going.

Stepping out of that comfort zone.

Are we willing to stop just talking about it and start doing hard things for our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

These lives are all so precious to Jesus-both the babies and Mama's. Do we tell them that? Do we show them that?

Or do we judge?

Proverbs 31:8-9 says this:

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.
Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy."

These little ones can not speak for themselves and a lot of these Mama's are destitute, poor and needy.

How can we make a difference for Jesus Christ in these girls lives today?

What is our Sacred Intent as we become Women?

I decided to go back to the archives today and re-read some posts and was convicted once again. I thought somehow that when I got married things would get better and life would be ,well, not quite perfect but almost-you know things that many young, dreamy girls believe.

Now I am not saying that I am not blessed with an absolutely amazing husband and marriage, but-it was an adjustment (and I am sure will continue to be for my whole life). When you go from being single minded and one person to all the sudden having a husband to support and love and be a help-meet to things change!

Sometimes I feel as though the house will never be clean enough. Or I get discouraged because I am unable to have piping hot, home made meals three times a day (although I am working on that one!), or the laundry is just a mountain that seems unattainable or...well, you know the things that are every day things for a lot of people.

Sometimes it is easy to forget Jesus.

I get so so busy trying to be the "perfect wife" I have in my head that I do not go to my Savior and spend time with Him in the Word and in prayer listening to what He wants from me.

So what is our intent?

What are we supposed to do as we move from girlhood into womanhood. What an amazing, scary, emotional, uncertain time of life that can be! Sometimes it is hard to even remember amidst the housework and the laundry and the phone calls and work what we are really here for.

I am going to share with you a quote from a post that I wrote on July 14, 2009. Two days before my 19th birthday.

A few years ago and yet, it still challenged me as I re-visited it this afternoon:

"I love this quote from Leslie Ludy and thought I would share it with you girls out there as an encouragement and a challenge:

'God's sacred intent for us goes far beyond just saving

sex till marriage, wearing one-piece swimsuits instead of

skimpy string bikinis, or idolizing Christian bans instead

of secular ones. It is not just making sure we tack on some
Christian morality to our self-indulgent lives.

His sacred intent for you and for me is nothing short of

absolute abandonment to Jesus Christ, entire separation from

the pollution of the world, and ardent worship of our

King with every breath we take.

Yes, it's a huge vision-one that is contrary to everything

our culture presents. In our modern world, we as young

women seem to be presented with only two options for our

femininity-we can either embrace the sensual, sexed-up

version of womanhood glorified by pop culture or we can

go the opposite direction and trade in perfume and makeup

for grit, grunge, and guy-like behavior.

But both of these options cause us to completely miss out

on the glorious pattern God designed for our femininity. We

were created to shine with heavenly beauty, to radiate with Christ-
like feminine loveliness, and to sparkle with the lily-white
purity of our Prince (Jesus). We were created to be set-apart
for Him.

-Excerpt from 'Set-Apart Femininity'"

We were created to be set-apart for HIM. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ Who CHOSE to lay down His life for each and everyone of us on that old rugged cross. What a glorious freedom that brings! Is it really a sacrifice to surrender our lives (even the little parts we don't want to let go of) to HIM considering He willing laid down His entire life for us?

Absolute abandonment. Total separation from the pollution of the world. Ardent worship of our King.

This post is more a challenge to me than anything else! I want Jesus! In all areas of my life! I want to radiate HIM. And I want to stop saying that and move forward to take steps towards that end. I no longer want to fit Him into my life when it is merely convenient. No. I want my entire life to be completely centered and revolving around Him.

So what is our true sacred intent?

Oh Jesus, may You continue to teach us each and every day of our lives may we become more and more like you and fall deeper in love with You.

So what about you ladies? Are you living out what God would have you to live out? The intent that HE has for your life?

Just some thoughts that the Lord gave me today and I thought I would share.

What are your thoughts?

O Victory in Jesus!

An Excerpt from my prayer journal dated Monday, September 26, 2011:

"Yesterday in church Pastor was in part seven of his series on no limits. One thing I have been learning about lately is taking control of my thoughts. It seemed impossible but then he was talking about how we have guarenteed victory in You Lord!

'But thanks be to God!

 He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

  Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm.

 Let nothing move you.

 Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord,

 because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.'

-1 Corinthians 15:57-58

Wow! I (and every single child of God) have the victory in and through my Precious Savior Jesus Christ!!

The next point was how in our guarenteed victory we have absolutely incredible weapons:

'

'For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:

 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)

 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;'

-2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Casting down imaginations and bringing into captivity every thought to the obediance of Christ. That is what I really need to work on! The awesome thing though is that I can have the victory over these seemingly giants in my life because of Jesus christ and His power working in my! Thank You Jesus!

And to think-that I also have angels to help me as well according to this verse:

 'The angel of the LORD encamps all around those who fear Him,
And delivers them. 
Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!
  Oh, fear the LORD, you His saints!
There is no want to those who fear Him.
¹ The young lions lack and suffer hunger;
But those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing.'

-Psalms 34:7-10

Wow! Wow! Wow! Oh my Jesus! Thank You! Now Lord, help me today to live this out. To take these precious promises and stand on them believing that You will bring them to pass. Help me Lord...

I have been allowing myself to listen to the enemies lies and live in defeat. Forgive me for that Lord and help me to move forward in victory from that lifestyle. Victory I can claim in and through You as YOUR child! Thank you Jesus!

In Your Name I pray,

Amen "

What is something in your life that you know that Jesus can give you victory in? Our God is so good and we do not have to live in defeat! We have the victory, the battle is already won, in and through Jesus!

So often we live in defeat though...

I needed this reminder and these precious promises today, Lord willing you did too :)

Have a blessed day!

Oh and on a side note:

I took this really neat picture of a Florida grasshopper (or are they locusts?) well, whatever they are they are big! Anyway I took this picture this morning and thought it was so cool!

Cute little guy huh? :) Have an amazing day! :) Keep your eyes on our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ :)



In all my ways...

  Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 
  In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. 
Proverbs 3:5-6

This morning I woke up with my blog heavy on my heart and so I started to re-evaluate and pray about why I was even writing this blog?

What is my purpose on here?

Am I even reaching anyone? Am I making a difference?

Then I realized what I am not supposed to be doing.

I am not supposed to be writing for people but instead everything that I share on here should be in some way bringing honor and glory to my precious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ by pointing others to His saving grace.

As a result of what the Lord challenged me with-I have added a new page to the top of my blog and it is entitled: "Am I good enought to go to heaven?" It is a test. The ULTIMATE test. If you are not sure I would encourage you to take it. The result truly is life or death.

So I surrendered this blog to HIM once again realizing that this blog is HIS and HIS alone. The verse says in ALL your ways acknowledge Him. And so I am acknowledging Him here and trusting that He will continue to direct in which way this is supposed to go.

It needs to be all about HIM. In every single aspect of our lives! So that was what the Lord laid on my heart today! :)

So today was a good day :) Here in Florida the weather was absolutely GORGEOUS so we took advantage of it and ate outside then Jason practiced his juggling while I read the Bible aloud to him and journaled. It was so nice!

See how that knife is pointed straight at his forehead? Don't worry it didn't hit him ;) I love what the camera catches!!

So then we went to a park and because we got hungry on the way we stopped at good ol' KFC :) But I did have a salad for lunch so that balances it out right? ;)

The park was absolutely beautiful and not really full at all. I had so much fun taking pictures! I really had missed my photography! Hopefully I will be able to get more and more into it again :)

I am 12 weeks and looking it! Whew. According to my midwife TOMORROW I will be 13 weeks and in my second trimester! I am so excited and so thankful to the Lord! Although-today I tried on some old clothes and they didn't fit. Sigh. Ok why I love skirts so much? First they are amazingly comfortable and cool (especially in the Florida heat) and secondly they tend to hide extra baby weight! ;) And yeah I know you are thinking whew she is only 12 weeks she has a long way to go! Gulp. Well, some women have told me that our bodies do change when we get pregnant and wow I am starting to believe it! :)

Then just some pictures with my amazing husband. Truly he was so worth waiting for! I love him so much and am so desiring to be the wife that God calls me to be! He is my greatest gift from my Savior and oh I am so thankful that God's ways are not my ways because I would definitely not be in the place I am now and that would not be good! God is so merciful :)

What we were looking at :) Creation truly does showcase our amazing God! The water is so blue and just absolutely takes your breath away!

 Well, that was my day :) Tomorrow we are off to get our lives transferred to Florida from NY officially (address change, license change for Jason, etc...) May the Lord richly bless each and every one of you! How did the Lord bless you today?





Before and After

So I have not updated in a bit. Obviously. Things have been a little bit crazy to say the least! And yet they are starting to become a lil bit more sane. If that makes any sense?

My amazing husband and I celebrated our four month anniversary. Four months? Only four? Honestly it has felt like a lifetime! In a good way :) Here are some of the things we have done in the last four months just since getting married:

• Got married
• Went to Canada for our honeymoon-now I am remembering some of the pictures we took and am digging around for them:

Oh yeah, and who can forget about the time I put dish soap in the dishwasher because I ran out of dishwasher power stuff. Ahem. I would never do something that would cause a small waterfall in our kitchen at our cottege. Nope. Not me.

•  Got home from our honeymoon and packed our life into Jason's lil Ford Taurus. By the time we I was done with it the poor car was on a scary upwards angle there was so much weight on the back! But with prayer we struck out.
• We stopped in Connecticut to meet/visit a blog friend that I have known for over two years. Rebecca and I had quickly become best friends and as close to sisters as you can get without actually being sisters! What a joy it was to finally meet her and Justin as well as her family! We had so much fun with them :) You can visit Rebecca's new blog Butterfly Days.

Jason loved playing with her younger siblings! :)

•  We went from Connecticut to North Carolina to visit some very close friends and what fun we had! Sun, Beach, friends that are like family-it was such a blessing from the Lord!

•  While in NC we learned something that was a complete and total surprise! Jason went out kyacking on the waves and I took some pregnancy tests. It was official-Jason was a Daddy! And I told him so:

 What a perfect day that was. We were thrilled beyond words! And so excited to see what God was going to do with our lil family!

•  After saying goodbye to our friends in NC we struck out for our new home in Florida. Summerfield. We had no idea what would await us there but we knew that the Lord had most definitely called us there. They had even supplied a house for us! What a blessing that was. Jason was going to be working with the youth and we were going to also help out in whatever way around the mission compound for Evangelical Bible Mission.
• We got to Summerfield and immediately began to work on it. Rooms like the living room went from this:

To this during renovation:






• It was during this renovation process of my entire house-

that I went to get my positive pregnancy test at a women's pregnancy center and we were overjoyed to find out that I was indeed pregnant although not even five weeks yet.

On the way home I began to have some problems and the next morning I woke up and knew that I had lost the baby. I was overwhelmed by the amazing support I received from women who had experianced the same thing and I started to gain new perspective as I read their stories and realized that I was not alone.

Honestly losing a little one was one of my greatest fears in life but one thing I have learned is that truly sometimes the Lord brings us face to face with some of our greatest fears just to show us that TRULY His grace is sufficient in our greatest times of need. I have a lil one waiting for me in Heaven and I can hardly wait for the day I get to meet that lil one face to face. Until then-he is in the arms of Jesus and what comfort comes from knowing that!

• Soon after I lost the baby my family and friends came up to surprise me from NY for my 21st birthday! What a fun time we had :) It was such a blessing to have them here and especially because I was still dealing with the loss of my baby I so appreciated them!
• Did I mention that I had also taken over a thrift store during this time? I was the official manager and Jason would help me. Whew what a lot of work that was!
• At the same time we were also ministering to those in the church as well in the community and for quite a while I had people in my house 24/7 which started to just drain me (with everything elso going on).
• One night I took a pregnancy test about a month after my miscarraige and was devastated when it was negative and once again I had to surrender it to the Lord. Well, another weekish went by and I was really starting to wonder so in the Walmart restroom while I was waiting for our car to get an oil change I took another test, walked away from it and surrendered me not being pregnant to the Lord, walked back and guess what?!?

The Lord had blessed us with another baby! What a surprise to me and what a precious gift from God! At nine weeks we got to go and get an ultrasound. What a blessing that was! To see our lil bean moving and wiggling was such a relief! It was amazing we even got to see its lil heart beating. At NINE weeks! Here is our lil bean:

• Now that we knew we were pregnant again things continued to become a little more solid. Meaning my house began to be more finished-

Things were beginning to turn around and yet in my heart I was still really struggling. I have it all! A house, a wonderful husband, amazing friends and family who are so supportive and something was still missing!

Someone once commented on how it was not a good thing I was depressed already (just being married) and I am sure some wondered what it was.

It was not my husband . He is the best thing besides Jesus Christ that has ever happened to me and truly is my prince. He exhibits what real love is every single day and is so patient and so loving with me. He puts Christ first and foremost in his life and you can tell!

It was not losing my child. Although that was so difficult I know that my baby is in heaven and God gives healing.

It was not________________________________ whatever fill in the blank.

So many women all over the world deal with so many things that are far greater than I could ever imagine and yet-they are at peace.

Why?

How!?


Do not be anxious about anything,
 but in every situation,
 by prayer and petition,
 with thanksgiving,
 present your requests to God.
And the peace of God,
which transcends all understanding,
 will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7


Present your requests to God.




Sounds easy right?


Sounds like it should be the first thing you should do anyway right?


Well, to my shame, I didn't.


I kind of forgot about my Jesus.


I mean of course I knew that He was there like always but I did not act like it. I tried to be the "perfect wife" on my own (and failed miserably). I tried to fix my problems on my own. I tried to deal with my sin that I was really struggling with on my own (anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, pride).


Notice a common theme there?


I.


Wow. So easy it is to get so consumed with ourselves. And how much easier it is to get our eyes off of the very One they are supposed to stay focused on-our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.


Today I had that priviledge to go to a conference that was being streamed live. Wow did the Lord use it to convict me. Convict me of what though?


Trying to live life while attempting to fit Jesus in when it was convenient for me instead of living my life in such a way that my all was built around HIM.


Then-they sung this song and oh, how did it touch me! To think that my Jesus paid it all!


All for me!


All for you!


So then I had to seriously ask myself why on earth have I been living like I have to pay it all. Why have I been trying to buy approval from my friends, family, my precious husband and my Savior when He already had paid it all!?


My debt is gone.


I am set free!


What glorious freedom! And how that makes me want to change how I have been living! I no longer want to live for me. I want to live for my Jesus. I want 150% surrender!!!!! He paid it all!!!! It just makes me want to live for HIM!


So what about you?


Where are you today?


What has Jesus been whispering in your ear?


Will you stop and listen?


I am posting the song "Jesus Paid it ALL" and I really want you to take time to listen and pray through it. He paid it ALL for you! What an amazing Savior we have!