Hey all!
So I am sitting at school
waiting for my 1st class of the
day to start.
I was thinking about updating
and was just browsing through some post
over at
and came across an article entitled
Instantly the title grabbed my attention
so I clicked on it and read it.
And I ask you to do the same thing.
Did you read it?
Awesome!
So you may be asking what is the point?
Well, I haven't really shared a lot of details about
my relationship with Jason because honestly
I have been afraid to.
Why?
Well, because our courtship is not at all like all the books
I grew up reading.
And I was afraid that people would think I was less holy because of it.
Have you gotten the gist that I am a real people pleaser yet?
Writing a post like this absolutely terrifies me because
I know that some of my readers will not agree with me and I hate
even the possibility of conflict.
So why, if I hate conflict so much, am I writing this post?
Because I really felt I needed to.
I feel as though I need to share.
I feel I need to give you all a little glimpse into my relationship with Jason.
So I am going to share the comment I wrote on
"I really appreciate this post. I definitely agree that courtship books in and of themselves are not wrong but when I was younger I was obsessed with them to the point of creating very legalistic rules for myself (all while I was not dating or even close) that I thought would make me more pure and essentially more holy. I was in one courtship relationship and we did it all by the books literally. And yet-all the rules did nothing to prevent my heart from being shattered when some things in his life came to light and my Dad (who is my hero for doing it) ended our courtship.
I really struggled after that because we had done everything “right” and yet it had still failed and I still got hurt.
Well, the Lord is gracious and he literally plopped me in front of the man that on May 21, 2011 will become my husband. We didn’t do things by the books and yet…the Lord blessed. He kissed me the day we got engaged and honestly I waited to feel guilty (because of the years of my mindset that I would be less pure if I even dared to think about kissing my husband before my wedding day) and yet-I didn’t. I realized that saving your first kiss for your husband does not necessarily mean that it will make you any less pure if it is not on your wedding day but before (even though I have the highest respect for those who do wait till their wedding day!).
I really struggled after that because we had done everything “right” and yet it had still failed and I still got hurt.
Well, the Lord is gracious and he literally plopped me in front of the man that on May 21, 2011 will become my husband. We didn’t do things by the books and yet…the Lord blessed. He kissed me the day we got engaged and honestly I waited to feel guilty (because of the years of my mindset that I would be less pure if I even dared to think about kissing my husband before my wedding day) and yet-I didn’t. I realized that saving your first kiss for your husband does not necessarily mean that it will make you any less pure if it is not on your wedding day but before (even though I have the highest respect for those who do wait till their wedding day!).
Our love story has been nothing like the books but oh our Father in Heaven has written us a beautiful love story! One that is a million times better then I ever could have imagined! For so long I tried to hold on to MY rules and the way I thought courtship should be…and in the end I realized my Jesus just wanted me to surrender my love story to Him so He could be in complete control and when I did-I realized that His ways truly ARE so much better than ours!
Note:
A reader commented on this and brought up the point that we should have standards of excellence
and I totally agree and am very glad he pointed it out.
I am not condoning throwing out every single rule or standard
and I just wanted to make sure that was clear.
That was not my point.
What I am saying is that in my own personal life
I became so obsessed with man made rules and regulations
that I started relying on them to determine
how holy I was or how unholy I was.
I was so full of pride,
arrogance, hypocrisy and self-righteousness
that there was no room left for Jesus!
It comes down to our personal relationships with Jesus Christ.
Going before Him and seeking His face.
When we are living for Jesus we will WANT to give everything to Him
and we will WANT to bring honor and glory to Him
ESPECIALLY in our relationships here on earth
because they are meant to be a picture of Christ and the church.
We can never serve the Lord too much! :)
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| See that look on his face? That is a look he gets often. Lol :) It is a "whoops shouldn't have said that look" |














10 comments:
Great post, Katy! I learned the same lesson with my relationship with my husband - I had set a similar "rule" for myself about when we would have our first kiss, but the way things worked out, I didn't follow my rule. But it was perfectly fine for us. Being holy or pure is not about following a list of self-imposed rules that are not really addressed in the Bible - it's just about trying to do what would be pleasing to the Lord! I totally agree with you. :-)
i have to agree... rules are pointless. Most often they are prideful and self-serving. rules, just for the sake of being good or what you "should do" or what people think...
But out of a LOVE FOR THE ALMIGHTY GOD OF OUR LIFE we should have STANDARDS of EXCELLENCE... and nothing less. that standard, to a degree, is between each person and God.
Though im not engaged, in a relationship or married... i am convinced that you cant hold back too much, you cant be too careful, and you CANT give too much to God by means of standards for any area of living including relationships... just a thought... whatever thats worth
Hello! Congrats on your engagement! I have watched a few courtships over the years. Some decide to hug, hold hands, or even kiss each other on the cheek..."after" they are engaged. Then there are others who just hug and hold hands..."before" being engaged. And let's not forget those who decide to not "touch" at all during courtship...and during their engagement. What all of these have in common is...it was "their" decision on how they should carry out their courtships. This is speaking for "adults". So far I have not witnessed a courtship of a couple under 18. In saying this, I think ALL adult couples should have a right to choose which standards of courtship are best for them. I commend you both on your decisions. The fact that you have given God all the praise and credit, is a profound way to add extra strength to your relationship. I'm sure there are folks out there who will disagree with your choices and that can be conflicting. But the good news is...YOU are still engaged and it was YOUR decision on how YOU wanted to court. Too bad if they don't agree. You get no conflicts or complaints from me. :)Look forward to hearing more about your wedding plans! Take care!
cute pics and good post!! :)
I told one of my dear friends who is getting "attention" from a few young men, that if and when she starts a relationship it will be totally unique! Every courtship is unique and thats why the books don't always work. Its based just on the author's experience.
Justin and I have that "No-touching" rule. But we aren't extremely strict, a pat on the arm or teasing poke happens often. For us, it works and we need the rule. for others they don't need that rule, but may need another one.
I will say I CAN'T WAIT TO HUG HIM!!! or a kiss! 6 months to go!! :)
For us, it will make being married really really really special, because we can finally be in each others arms. As much as I want to hug/kiss him now, I am thrilled to know what's waiting for me! It's like waiting for Christmas!!
Lovely post!
~Rebecca
Lovely post Katy!!
I just wanted to ask...when are u going to post the details about your engagement day? :)
God bless!!
~Amy
Congrats Katy! Totally agree with you! While it's great to have standards, we have to be open to what the Lord wants to do in us and our relationships. He rarely crafts a courtship the same way, which is awesome! We just have to make sure we're open to hearing His voice. Cannot wait to hear more about your courtship, and eventually, your wedding! Blessings!
I suffered a broken heart, too, when a courtship of three years was ended.
But God is so faithful. My husband is my perfect match, and the pain that my shattered dreams and broken heart gave me were the means of teaching me to trust HIM and HIS WAY so much more fully than ever before.
Even though I regret some of the mistakes and some of the pain, I wouldn't have it any other way today.
Best wishes as you prepare for marriage. It truly is the BEST thing ever!
I really appreciate you being so honest about your relationship/courtship. My husband and I experienced a lot of criticism about how we chose to conduct our relationship. When he and I first met and started "dating", we were constantly compared to other newly engaged couples. Everyone felt that it was their place to point out what they did right and what we were doing wrong. Like you, we didn't save our first kiss for our wedding day, and honestly, I'm SO glad we didn't! It wasn't what was right for us. We look back at our first kiss and how special it was. It was just for us. Not a "show" for a congregation of people.
I do believe that if you choose to have the "no touching" rule, there is nothing wrong with that. Some people people need those boundaries. However, it should be a decision made by the couple and their convictions and not by other people and what they believe the ultimate standard is.
My husband and I had a wonderful honeymoon and in no way did our kissing before the wedding take away from that.
Don't feel like you did things wrong just because they don't follow a courtship book. As long you both agree with your "rules" and they follow what the Bible says, it's honestly no one elses' business!
I just thought I would let you know that you're not the only ones that went against "the book". We have been happily married for a year and a half and nothing we chose to do before our wedding has changed that!
Enjoy this time! It goes by so fast. Marriage is wonderful!
Amy
Marriage is SO wonderful!! I wouldn't changed one day of our marriage! He is my best friend and the love of my life. It's so sad that so many people are so negative about marriage. It's definitely not easy and not always fun but those days are few and far between.
I think one thing that has helped make our marriage so strong is how well we knew each other BEFORE we got married. Some courtships that I hear about, it seems that the couple never has even a moment alone together before their honeymoon! It can be kind of uncomfortable to have certain conversations with each other, but even more when you have a audience! Private conversations and time together is SO important in a real relationship and especially an engagement! You're going to be spending the rest of your lives together! You better know the person before because there's no taking it back! :)
I'm glad my post was encouraging. I understand your feelings and I would have liked to hear from someone who had experienced similar things I had. Don't be scared of marriage! It really is a lot of fun!:)
My number one piece of advice would be to never lose your friendship! There's nothing like spending the rest of your life with your best friend!!!
I just had to comment and say that I think it's SO cool that you linked that article by Gretchen!! She lives just about fifteen minutes away from me, and our families are friends!! Wow... small world!! =)
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