When God takes away.

It has been a little bit since 

I last posted.

I guess I just

have been trying to think 

of the words to

say.

Our sweet little baby

is now in heaven with my

precious Savior.

I was so angry

at first 

(it started the day we

went to a christian clinic

and had gotten a 4th 

positive pregnancy

test)

but then with some

help of a friend

who had gone through

a simuler thing,

I surrendered it to Jesus.

What else could I do?

I surrendered my baby.

I surrendered that dream.

I surrendered.

And what peace He

has given.

What joy has come.

Do I miss my little one?

Yes.

How is it possible to know

someone is coming for

such a short time

and then when they are not 

there to miss them

so incredibly much?

There are still tears.

But though 

weeping may endure for

a night

joy truly does come in the 

morning.

Now, I can truthfully say

the Lord gives 

and the Lord takes away

but BLESSED be

the name of the Lord!

I know He is in control 

and I know that

,someday,

Jason and I will

be reunited with our little 

one in heaven.

Jesus is just taking care 

of him till 

we get there.

Why do I refer to the baby

as a boy?

Well, I don't know how,

but from the time we knew

I was pregnant

we both felt so so strongly

that it was a little boy.

So, at the suggestion

of my parents who

had also lost 

a little one,

we decided to name him.

Jeshua Justice Hollands

(JJ for short).

Jeshua means 

God is my salvation.

He is in heaven.

No tears.

No pain. 

No heart break.

God is so good!