Before and After

So I have not updated in a bit. Obviously. Things have been a little bit crazy to say the least! And yet they are starting to become a lil bit more sane. If that makes any sense?

My amazing husband and I celebrated our four month anniversary. Four months? Only four? Honestly it has felt like a lifetime! In a good way :) Here are some of the things we have done in the last four months just since getting married:

• Got married
• Went to Canada for our honeymoon-now I am remembering some of the pictures we took and am digging around for them:

Oh yeah, and who can forget about the time I put dish soap in the dishwasher because I ran out of dishwasher power stuff. Ahem. I would never do something that would cause a small waterfall in our kitchen at our cottege. Nope. Not me.

•  Got home from our honeymoon and packed our life into Jason's lil Ford Taurus. By the time we I was done with it the poor car was on a scary upwards angle there was so much weight on the back! But with prayer we struck out.
• We stopped in Connecticut to meet/visit a blog friend that I have known for over two years. Rebecca and I had quickly become best friends and as close to sisters as you can get without actually being sisters! What a joy it was to finally meet her and Justin as well as her family! We had so much fun with them :) You can visit Rebecca's new blog Butterfly Days.

Jason loved playing with her younger siblings! :)

•  We went from Connecticut to North Carolina to visit some very close friends and what fun we had! Sun, Beach, friends that are like family-it was such a blessing from the Lord!

•  While in NC we learned something that was a complete and total surprise! Jason went out kyacking on the waves and I took some pregnancy tests. It was official-Jason was a Daddy! And I told him so:

 What a perfect day that was. We were thrilled beyond words! And so excited to see what God was going to do with our lil family!

•  After saying goodbye to our friends in NC we struck out for our new home in Florida. Summerfield. We had no idea what would await us there but we knew that the Lord had most definitely called us there. They had even supplied a house for us! What a blessing that was. Jason was going to be working with the youth and we were going to also help out in whatever way around the mission compound for Evangelical Bible Mission.
• We got to Summerfield and immediately began to work on it. Rooms like the living room went from this:

To this during renovation:






• It was during this renovation process of my entire house-

that I went to get my positive pregnancy test at a women's pregnancy center and we were overjoyed to find out that I was indeed pregnant although not even five weeks yet.

On the way home I began to have some problems and the next morning I woke up and knew that I had lost the baby. I was overwhelmed by the amazing support I received from women who had experianced the same thing and I started to gain new perspective as I read their stories and realized that I was not alone.

Honestly losing a little one was one of my greatest fears in life but one thing I have learned is that truly sometimes the Lord brings us face to face with some of our greatest fears just to show us that TRULY His grace is sufficient in our greatest times of need. I have a lil one waiting for me in Heaven and I can hardly wait for the day I get to meet that lil one face to face. Until then-he is in the arms of Jesus and what comfort comes from knowing that!

• Soon after I lost the baby my family and friends came up to surprise me from NY for my 21st birthday! What a fun time we had :) It was such a blessing to have them here and especially because I was still dealing with the loss of my baby I so appreciated them!
• Did I mention that I had also taken over a thrift store during this time? I was the official manager and Jason would help me. Whew what a lot of work that was!
• At the same time we were also ministering to those in the church as well in the community and for quite a while I had people in my house 24/7 which started to just drain me (with everything elso going on).
• One night I took a pregnancy test about a month after my miscarraige and was devastated when it was negative and once again I had to surrender it to the Lord. Well, another weekish went by and I was really starting to wonder so in the Walmart restroom while I was waiting for our car to get an oil change I took another test, walked away from it and surrendered me not being pregnant to the Lord, walked back and guess what?!?

The Lord had blessed us with another baby! What a surprise to me and what a precious gift from God! At nine weeks we got to go and get an ultrasound. What a blessing that was! To see our lil bean moving and wiggling was such a relief! It was amazing we even got to see its lil heart beating. At NINE weeks! Here is our lil bean:

• Now that we knew we were pregnant again things continued to become a little more solid. Meaning my house began to be more finished-

Things were beginning to turn around and yet in my heart I was still really struggling. I have it all! A house, a wonderful husband, amazing friends and family who are so supportive and something was still missing!

Someone once commented on how it was not a good thing I was depressed already (just being married) and I am sure some wondered what it was.

It was not my husband . He is the best thing besides Jesus Christ that has ever happened to me and truly is my prince. He exhibits what real love is every single day and is so patient and so loving with me. He puts Christ first and foremost in his life and you can tell!

It was not losing my child. Although that was so difficult I know that my baby is in heaven and God gives healing.

It was not________________________________ whatever fill in the blank.

So many women all over the world deal with so many things that are far greater than I could ever imagine and yet-they are at peace.

Why?

How!?


Do not be anxious about anything,
 but in every situation,
 by prayer and petition,
 with thanksgiving,
 present your requests to God.
And the peace of God,
which transcends all understanding,
 will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7


Present your requests to God.




Sounds easy right?


Sounds like it should be the first thing you should do anyway right?


Well, to my shame, I didn't.


I kind of forgot about my Jesus.


I mean of course I knew that He was there like always but I did not act like it. I tried to be the "perfect wife" on my own (and failed miserably). I tried to fix my problems on my own. I tried to deal with my sin that I was really struggling with on my own (anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, pride).


Notice a common theme there?


I.


Wow. So easy it is to get so consumed with ourselves. And how much easier it is to get our eyes off of the very One they are supposed to stay focused on-our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.


Today I had that priviledge to go to a conference that was being streamed live. Wow did the Lord use it to convict me. Convict me of what though?


Trying to live life while attempting to fit Jesus in when it was convenient for me instead of living my life in such a way that my all was built around HIM.


Then-they sung this song and oh, how did it touch me! To think that my Jesus paid it all!


All for me!


All for you!


So then I had to seriously ask myself why on earth have I been living like I have to pay it all. Why have I been trying to buy approval from my friends, family, my precious husband and my Savior when He already had paid it all!?


My debt is gone.


I am set free!


What glorious freedom! And how that makes me want to change how I have been living! I no longer want to live for me. I want to live for my Jesus. I want 150% surrender!!!!! He paid it all!!!! It just makes me want to live for HIM!


So what about you?


Where are you today?


What has Jesus been whispering in your ear?


Will you stop and listen?


I am posting the song "Jesus Paid it ALL" and I really want you to take time to listen and pray through it. He paid it ALL for you! What an amazing Savior we have!